Thursday, June 08, 2006

ass bitten

i got a new job at the DNR! WHOOHOO, i work with an old man 45 name is billy and sickly perverted. The other , dumb ass sack of rocks, anthony, my age. ANYWAY, we were chasing fawn yesterday and it was sweltering hot, and i got a mosquito bite on my ass, my ass is pretty jiggly.

Well bill was so hungry that he said he could eat the arse out of a skunk... today's joke was as follows:

" did you see on the news? rita mcneil got stopped at the airport because they thought she was smuggling drugs.... yeah they strip searched her and ended up finding 100 pounds of crack"

and there you have it.

moses

Sunday, March 19, 2006

charm, such charm

scene, party ... a forestry party..
crush #2? yep, he's here.. i see him.. i am presently in my 16th hour of the 30 hour famine, it is saint patricks day and i have had 2 beer and am tanked.

*i walk over to sober crush*

crush- sup

me * you make me sweaty in the crotch*- ah hmm *giggles* ah.. hey.

crush *raises eyebrow*- sup

me * i quiver when you shiver, damn his lips are so..* - so what are you drinking?

crush*takes sip*- guiness.

me*god, help me.. oh god .. * - cool.

*i walk away*

conversation number 2

crush*watching curling*

me*interrupts*- you like curling?

crush- i love it.

me * curling is so boring*- curling is so boring *shit did i just say that?*

crush- i love it

wow, i really dont even know what to do.. i think im insane..
ok onto something more interesting

me and sally did the 30 hour famine.. but it started at 9 in the morning.. i hadnt eaten since 3pm the day before.. so i woke up and was like fack im so so so late for class.. so i grabbed a piece of toast..
bad idea.. i was famished by noon.. it sucked anus.
so the next day we were supposed to meet the rest of the faminers and eat. free food we were game.. hello.
so, we were told to go to the sub ballroom.. which we do.. and we find a stage.. and people sitting down at a talbe.. i was like um.. sal.. what the hell is a stage there for..

i push sally towards the people " askkkk"

sally- so hey *crowd of people stop talking*.. um.. so what are you guys... doing?

girl- we are waiting for the dj, i guess he is a little late, did you want to sign up to sing

sally- i dont sing *sally looks at me, i hold in laughter*.. i think we are in the wrong place

girl- *looks at both me and sally* Oooooooooooooooh you guys are here for African night!

sally *slow blink at girl's stupid assumption*- no. we are here for the 30 hour famine

girl- omygod! well this is unb idol! hahah

so we left to the office.. laughing down the stairs.. snorting..

after asking the guy we finally get to the place about a half hour later.. we walk in we are complete outsiders

so picture this, we are eating i dont care to meet anyone i just want to eat damnit.. and this guy is on the couch and he says randomly out of the blue .. i guess we were talking about shyness.. and this random guy says in a stern im a psycho voice
- i HATE it when people say im SHY.. i HATE IT i do whatever the hell i want whenever i want. and if God doesnt like that then he can change me. *continues mumbling*
*everyone ignores crazy focker i laugh and look at sally who clearly didnt hear*

*whisper*-sally listen to this crazy guy *sally nods*

then we go on to talk about kilts and how hilarious they are..
crazy guy then says:

i dont know, when i see a guy with a kilt i think he is gay

christian guy says nicely- well maybe thats just jumping to conclusions

crazy- i SAID.. i THINK.

*me fed up decides to be a bitch sally looks at me and goes shhhhh knowing my personality.. *

*excited curious face*- so you are homophobic?

crazy- NO, but if a guy touches me softly i'll say get away form me you SOB

*i burst into laughter*- are you serious?

crazy- YES *really angry*

*me laughing more.. sally begging me to stop*

*tension*

then a nice girl changed the subject.. then me and sally bounced.. it was a good time.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

fack.

so im unexpectedly gassy, and i meet crush in 30 minutes.

oh . god.

i keep going "oooh" "ahhh" every three minutes its like contractions

i hate life

crush #2

i totally have a new crush
and he is so like totally hot and awesome, i want to hump him.

i managed to get him to "help" me with school work today,
heheheheehhehehe... *stretches*
this should be interesting.

phone call

so I was really pissed at this guy who i have somewhat obnoxious history with... so i messaged him and told him to call me... so i could tell him off because i think he's an asshole. ASS-HOLE.

hehe, so you can imagine a few days later when he called, how surprised i was because a) i didnt know his number (from deleting him from my directory).. and b) because no one calls me and c) i decided it wasnt a good idea afterall.

so my cell phone rings with such a tone that i have to let it ring for a bit. *dances*.. .. *people in computer lab glaring at me*..

i answer

- Helllooooooooo *gayly*

- Hey Natalie

*recognizes voice, decides not to talk*

boy- Hello? Nat?

me- *contemplates answering*... *sighs*

boy- I hear you

me- *thinks damnit but says it out loud* damnit.. HI? sorry the reception is bad in here, give me a sec

*hmm, tries to remember message left on msn, oh right right something like.. hey i would really appreciate it if you would call me, REALLY APPRECIATE IT, be afraid. ... laughs.. *

boy- are you laughing? whats funny?

me- just hold on..

*goes in private area*

me- yes?

boy- well whats up

me- well, just in the computer lab studying, how are you?

boy- *talks about himself for about 10 minutes*

me-oh that's aw- *boy cuts me off 6 times.. i counted*

boy *blah blah blah, me me me me*

* i laugh*

boy- whats funny? what?

me- nothing,

boy- BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH..

*silence*

*i try to see how long we will go silent*

*more silence*

*akward silence*

* i burst out into laughter*

boy- WHAT is so funny?

me- *snorts*.. nothing.. heh.. anyway i have alot of work- *boy cuts me off*

boy- so i'll catch you later

me *shocked at cut off*..- yah

boy- by--*me cut off boy by hanging up*


best conversationg EVER.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

shoot the shit

so,
this is hehe.. really embarassing... but the other day, i decided that i was going to get rid of any underwear that has holes, or that have been in the underwear drawer for more than... 5 years... OH and all the saggy ass ones..
so, i did that..
and now i have exactly... 8 pair of underwear

fucking ridiculous... so i told my mom.. hinting towards taking me for a little panty party.. and she snorted laughing telling me "natalie when i was your age...i had ONE PAIR that i washed EVERY DAY TWICE A DAY.. and the holes.. oh natalie.. leave me! go!! 8 pairs!!?!?!?!? you are LUCKY"

damnit.


i need to sex myself up.. how? i might just go commando. sweaty.
this impairs my laundry habits immensly.. now i run out of underwear.. in well.. 8 days.
mm..

fuck.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

crazy eyes


so i am just going through my pictures.. and i found one with me and danielle.. and she has the most demonic blue eyes..
see.

so dan is osman's girlfriend, and oz and me do all our work together ladida.. we use each other for a cheap laugh ha.

so he tells me, very drunkly one night.. that he is an idiot
we are religious copiers, if something's been done, and we know how to do it.. we'll copy.. so oz passes in his assignment and come the day to get them back his teacher calls his name and infront of the whole class says ..
"oz, you did great on the assignment, only...you passed in next week's assignment.. i didnt even teach this stuff yet"..
this is what we call..
getting busted..
well he smooth talked his way out of it.. but still.. prettttty damn funny
this is oz
and me..
drunk..

notive the portruding eyeballs..
yes..
we are brown..
what.

beautiful frank


ok there is a boy in some of my classes, his name is Frank, and he is gorgeous, just pretty.
And... i adore him.. not like i want to hump him (surprisingly) adore him.. more like.. he is adorable.. so i must adore him..
proof....

ok so i look a little retarted, and so does he.. but thats just me.. and well that is just friggin frank.
SO today, we are all (like 7 people) talking at a table in the lounge, and i look over and frank is picking his nose.. like digging.. then, he proceeds to whipe it under the table..
so i go.. "frank.. i hope you know i saw that" and he laughed, not giving a rats ass.. and said.. " i hit gold that time".. then scratched his crotch.

what a man. i still adore him.

to be drunk. oh my


well, there was a pubcrawl, a forestry pubcrawl ... which i could NOT miss.
It started out pretty harmless, having fun with friends and random strangers.

here on the left is me and laura, just beginning to drink.. being safe.

next thing i know..

i am drunk..

very very.. very drunk

i get to school the next day, and everyone is just laughing saying "so you know how to work it nat"..

yes well apparently i made out with someone.. which i dont remember.. and for god's sake.. let me just tell you what i DO remember, farking wanting a guy we will call Francois.. good god francois looked hot as hell , and i was loaded.. so he was even more hot than usual.. so i start grinding his leg.. and guess what i do next.. i bit his ear.. and said

" we can't be held accountable for anything we do tonight.. we are drunk" and he just had his mouth open in disbelief, as i finish saying this.. i fall on the floor.. super attractive..and clearly left as soon as i realized what i had said... GOD and i saw him today and i KNOW .. just KNOW that he remembers.. and frig.. i dont even want him.. ugh so yes. im embarassed.. damnit..

ok moving on..

i went home for the weekend and was really bored, so i am slouched over on the couch.. i glance over to therese and say..

me- yo man.

therese- *grunts in aknowledgement*

me- lets go outside, and run with the dog in the snow.. and take pictures..

therese- giggles, okay lets go

the following pictures are the result running after that stupid dog.. who's legs are too fast.

notice how me and sady are both airborne

Run bitch.. run!

And im boring and thats the end of my blog.

OH and for the hell of it

i just found a picture of me and "the guy"

here it is.. laugh if you must

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

in comemoration of St Valentine

so i suppose you are all wondering, where the hell did valentine's day come from? Some random day in the middle of february that celebrates so called love between crazy people. Some, think its a hallmark made occasion to sell chocolates and lame cards (cough therese cough), while others are less skeptical. My curious little sister decided to find out, and while taking a study break *looks away* she decided to share this little story with me.. so here is it ..
oh im "trofolle" and she is "tanya". obviously. oh by the way, she told my sister the story, and she forgot and didnt want to hear about it ... what a big bitch :D.

oh i'd like to mention that i had a valentine .. does it matter that he is a little psychotic and twitches? sometimes mumbles to himself? no, because i will not judge my valentine.



trofolle! studying says:
tell me the story

tanya says:
ahhaha what asotry

tanya says:
story

tanya says:
you mean teh valentine's day story?

trofolle! studying says:
yes

tanya says:
Once upon a time long ago

tanya says:
there was a king who ruled rome, CLaudius, during the 200s ish AD

tanya says:
And so, every year, the girls would write down their names on a piece of paper and put it in a container where guys would pick names

tanya says:
the names they would pick would be the girl they would have to be stuck with for the festivities of the following day
tanya says:
All of a sudden during 269, Claudius wanted a big army, but everyone was busy getting laid and making babies.. sorry.. everyone was getting married and being in Love and such

tanya says:
So King Claudius was furious, and decided to make a law against marriage. Of course many were furious wiht this new law, especially a priest named St valentine

tanya says:
So naturally, he wed couples secretly during this horrible time, and so he was caught one day after a ceremony for a couple who managed to escape thankfully

trofolle! studying says:
yes thankfully

tanya says:
AND O

tanya says:
SO

trofolle! studying says:
st val, so romantic

tanya says:
ahha yes

trofolle! studying says:
go on

tanya says:
So St Valentine was caught of course becuase he was not the young boy he used to be with the strength of a runners' pair of legs
tanya says:
He went to jail and had many visitors from all the couples he wed and more

trofolle! studying says:
HAHAH

tanya says:
hehe Even the Guard's daughter went to visit him

trofolle! studying says:
ok pause i need to pee

trofolle! studying says:
PAUSE i said

tanya says:
she became a good frien dof his, trying to keep his spirits up during this hard time

tanya says:
ok

trofolle! studying says:
yes go on

tanya says:
And so all these visitors supported st valentine becuase they believed in what he fought for

tanya says:
LOve

trofolle! studying says:
precious

tanya says:
So the guard's daughter was his happy friend

tanya says:
and on the day before his head was chopped off, he wrote her a note saying

trofolle! studying says:
dont leave me hanging

trofolle! studying says:
frig

trofolle! studying says:
what did he SAY

tanya says:
ahhah he wrote her a note and signed it "Love, from your Valentine"

tanya says:
and so, this is where hte tradition of writing LOve notes came from

tanya says:
all in the name of loVe, but of course his head was chopped off which sucks, but we still celebrate this holiday, and so, we shall never forget the power of Love as we laugh in Claudius' face

trofolle! studying says:
ha, oh my, never thought it was that deep

tanya says:
lOve is a deep thing, darling

trofolle! studying says:
therese was right anal and didnt want to hear about it.. dont get homosexual on me

tanya says:
I told her the story though

trofolle! studying says:
ok i must resume the studying, thank you for that insightful story.. oh and ps. she forgot

tanya says:
hahahahah she forgot the story?

tanya says:
wow, alright

trofolle! studying says:
dont be insulted.. therese is like that

tanya says:
have fun and good luck

tanya says:
I understand

trofolle! studying says:
i shall not forget my little bambina

tanya says:
I'm glad you like it

trofolle! studying says:
loved it

tanya says:
lOve You

trofolle! studying says:
aurevoir.. love you too pubecrust

tanya says:
later throbbing nipples


happy v-day smokey discharge

Monday, February 06, 2006

*long deep sigh*

*sigh*... ahhhh.. mmm..

*thinks*

i .. um

*thinks*

my crush has interest in someone ELSE, im so.. annoyed.. she wears a SWEATER.. like, when she climbs, who does that?

*feels boogie in nose*

im so depressed

*scrunches nose up and down to move it*

like WHY ME, why can't he be all geeky and talk to ME anymore.. i mean i know i havent seen him in like a few weeks.. but i am totally hotter

*blows out nose*

like she has a tattoo

*picks nose.. flicks*

*smiles*

maybe i should get a tattoo, maybe then i'll be a "cool" climber

*looks around room*

ew, i hate her..

HEY oh oh oh , i sawed a piece of wood last week that looks like an anus, thought about that when i was looking around my room and saw it.
*giggles* haha anus.. *laughs*..

mm.. well he wasn't THAT cute anyway, so, whatever.. she can HAVE him.. plus he has really bad shoes, like i could have a crush on someone who wears BAD SHOES

*loses train of thought*

man there is this really really adorable guy at the--- wait no..
i will resist the crush i have to get over the first guy ... i mean this only happend tonight..

the other guy is so----- ok wait.. i'll save it for another post.. this is my depressed post

*sigh*..
no one loves me,

*cackles*